It was one of those lovely summer Saturdays on the Central Lakes Bike Trail. Nothing seemed amiss. Nothing, until…
A green post with the word “Warning” was spotted lying on the ground. On the ground next to a sewer cover.
Houston, we have a problem. The evidence was right there, strewn on the green, green grass of Alexandria, Minnesota just off the bike trail west of Living Testament Church on Highway 29 North–a green post that has the word “Warning” written on it knocked down, right next to a sewer cover.
The writing on the wall couldn’t have been more clear. The writing, in case it’s not clear, was: “Unspeakable disaster waiting to happen.” Why? Because this location is just footsteps from Manor Hills Park.
The park where Mom butts her stogies after baseball practice with her team, the Runestone Redlegs.
Quick sidebar...They’re called the Redlegs not so much because they wear red stockings but more because of varicose veins.
Anyway, when a tipped over green pole that says “Warning” is mixed with a sewer cover and nearby stogie butting, the only possible result, envisioned by this author, is Old Testament Armageddon. Right next to New Testament Church.
Oh the humanity, Houston.
In an instant, my gleaming, red bicycle…
reduced to a burnt, black, upside down bicycle.
Mom, starting pitcher for the Redlegs,
(Pictured here watching the Twins on Fox Sports North waiting for Dick and Burt to congratulate her on her recent no-hitter against the Browerville Bottle Blondes) reduced to, well, this…
After dialing the ALP sewer line…hee hee…get it, sewer LINE?…to report impending doom and the total darkness into which our world will soon be plunged…ho ho….PLUNGED…I got this message: “Sorry, no one is here to take your call. Please, try again later.”
Oh the humanity!
Well, it’s the weekend. I guess averting doom and un-plunging darkness can wait until Monday-Friday, 8:AM to 4:30 PM.