The Internet Confuses Me: The Dumbo Edition

I’m not a fan of animal movies.  I know that’s a bold statement.  While everyone else thinks that Finding Nemo is a cute, fun movie, I’m still mourning what happens in the first five minutes.  Sure, at the end of Old Yeller, there’s a new dog – Young Yeller.  I DON’T CARE. Young Yeller is of cold comfort.  If a dog is hurt in a film, I am DONE with that film.  (Needless to say, this site has been very helpful. )

There is a new Dumbo movie.  I know I saw the original version as a kid.  I swore I’d never see it again.  Here’s what I remember about Dumbo:

  • Dumbo is cute. 
  • Dumbo’s Mom sings the saddest song in the world in the saddest scene in the world.
  • I spend the rest of the evening crying.
  • Oh, and there are racist crows.  The end. 

Taking all of this into consideration, I’m not super jazzed about seeing a new version of Dumbo. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I can handle intense films.  I spent this last weekend throwing myself a Quentin Tarantino Film Festival. I like David Fincher films.  How about some David Lynch? Yes, please. The weirder, the sadder, the darker, the better.

But I can’t handle a sad Elephant.  

Earlier today, I was on Facebook and saw a targeted ad for the Dumbo movie on my timeline and I knew EXACTLY what to do.  BLOCK THAT FROM MY LIST. Then, at the last moment, I got curious.  What was it about me and my choices that made The Facebook Powers That Be think that I was an appropriate target for Dumbo? So, I clicked on “Why am I seeing this?”. This is what I saw:

Now, apparently, the folks responsible for promoting Dumbo want to reach people who interested in David Fincher’s 1995 film,  Se7en.  The Facebook Powers That Be seemingly think that somebody who is into Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman chasing down a serial killer motivated by the seven deadly sins would also be totally psyched to see a film starring the saddest baby elephant in the world.  

Why on earth would they find a parallel between these two films? 


Does Dumbo end with somebody yelling “What’s in the trunk???? WHAT’S IN THE TRUNK??????????????”?


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